IT BURNS MY EYES!!!!!

Now I love the girls as much as any red blooded american queer, but sweety... Leave some silver lame for the rest of us. Really.

A Friday Evening at Wal*Mart

Liz under the bright florescent lights of America's largest retailer.

"This looks about right", Liz said while contemplating the meat log.

I always wondered where you could find a good ashtray nowadays. They're always in fashion at Wal*Mart!

The Rite Aid Home Decor Collection

Liz ponders this lovely seashell windchime(?) found at our local Rite Aid. We've discovered what the Rite Aid merchandising department must refer to as a "VOID" on a diagram of the store. It's where items that couldn't be sold at the Dollar Store go to die - languishing in a yellowish-white haze of petrified marshmallow Peeps from Easter, marked-down cat food, and The Clapper. I nearly picked up a pair of Blue Blocker sunglasses and left!

She's Pretty: Skag Drag Edition

Another SYTYCD gem that brings skag drag to National TV and into the mainstream. "Betty" is shocked that she wasn't taken seriously. Equal parts Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love, "Betty" is as serious as it gets.

Unbeweaveable: Part III

This Unbeweaveable feature is courtesy of So You Think You Can Dance? And this weave is even more unbeweaveable because it is nesting on top of her head - and it's about to swallow her whole! Somewhere a Shirley Temple doll is missing it's wig.

And tonight we have a two-fer! Check out those dance moves! Snap!

Fire at Susumu!

This is a pretty cool shot actually. We went to Susumu for dinner and I grabbed this snap just as the exciting teppanyaki effects began!

Smells like desperation.

This does indeed appear to be a screen grab from The Stepford Wives, however it is not. This painted lady was on So You Think You Can Dance? I don't recall whether or not she got through to Las Vegas, but she is certainly dressed for it. Not even her highly-reflective eye shadow can distract us from the desperation in her face. It's all in the flaring of the nostrils.

She's Pretty!

New mlo feature: She's Pretty!

Introducing a new feature for mlo: "She's Pretty!"

What's with Realty and Banana Clips?

This agent was working at one of our models today, and these are her shoes. This post was going to be about the heels, but as we left Helen pointed out her banana clip and I snapped this pic.

I believe I have discovered some sort of connection between Realtors and banana clips. So much so that, if you've read mlo before today, you'll know that there is even someone we refer to as Banana Clip! I now think of banana clips and real estate like I do Trekkies and Ren Fair. Some bizarre and misunderstood connection - but there is no denying that it's there.

What is this mysterious bond?

(Pretty fierce shoes - for her anyway. If you look closely you can see she has transitioned into her "Burberry" slippers [I suspect that they're fake], and left the heels behind. Faux or not they scream Japanese Princess and make me furious.)

Unbeweavable: Bad TV Court Show Weaves Pt. II

A shock of red spirals flow from a tightly woven braid fountain that appears to be comprised of two distinct and completely separate hairstyles.

Even while describing how she and her (ex)friend (a.k.a. the plaintiff) defrauded the state of Minnesota for welfare money (surprise), her weave stood proud - elevated high above the courtroom in a place where not even Judge Judy herself could touch it.

***Helen wonders if her (unborn) baby has a weave with tiny acrylic nails and jew-ry".... LOL!

BBQ at Lulu's

Coin Slot @ Target

Liz, Mary and I were at Target today and witnessed this lovely display of an ever-so-slightly hirsute coin slot. The subject was bent over looking at... (wait for it) electric shavers and I blew by him and took this sneaky snap!

HAALLO! I'M SERGEY!

I would like very much to take you to the discotheque yes?

She's a little bit "Deet-dee-dee"

I am BAD ASS

With the new D&G sunglasses I got today... LOL

LIZISM

Repent to the Church of Liz. Salute the flag and gaze deeply into her eyes. She is your Messiah. Or perhaps simply Miss Ayah. In either case, kneel before her in a blaze of glamour or you can put your head between your knees and kiss your ass goodbye!

What you're about to see may disturb you...

Liz and I having some fun with Apple's Photo Booth. FREAKY!

My BBD is HOT!

Well hello, Dolly

I came home this afternoon to find this little horse's ass up on top of the kitchen counter! She apparently tried her acrobatics to get over the baby gate AND chairs placed in front of it to block her, and ended up here. Not sure what we'll do to contain her next...

liz writes open letter to a beast...Bonus memorable quotes included!

Dear "Jane", (name changed, because liz knows murder is always an option)

Thanks for taking the time to visit CS yesterday. I'm so glad we finally had an opportunity to meet in person. You have no idea how much liz wanted to scratch your eyes out.

You see, the last time we spoke was during an irrate phone call from you the Saturday night before Easter in which you yelled at me repeatedly to ASK the builder what they would accept.
(liz would like to remind you to always take your medication.)

Now that I think of it, you even spelled it out for me a few times. A S K. I appreciated that. After all, that was a mighty big word for you to be using in your tramp voice. Besides, you probably thought liz was distracted since it was right in the middle of a holiday dinner. I thought of saving you some leftovers but the meats would have spoiled by now. On second thought, I should have saved you an entire ham with all the fixings.

Well as it turns out, that community you yelled about back then is now sold out and no one had to behave like a spoiled beast to get the job done.

Warmly,
liz

Other memorable quotes from Jane's visit yesterday:

Jane: (immediately upon entering the model): "Who are you?!"
liz: (seated behind desk, feeling fabulous): I'm liz. And you must be the town slut.

Jane: Is the builder negotiable?
liz: No Jane. The builder wants to hold onto these claptraps forever, even if the bank calls in the loan tomorrow.

Jane: Are they going to build in that large grassy field over there?
liz: No. That's where you'll be buried after the killing spree is complete.

Jane: I already spoke to the manager.
liz: You filthy whore.

Hello, Sir

This post is simply to honor an early gay icon: Peppermint Patty. The mannish hairstyle, the Birkenstocks, the gender-bending rugby shirt... Even Marcy called her "Sir". You know Marcy was kind of a dyke too - she looked like Billie Jean King.

Madeline: Sporty Spice?

If Madeline is Sporty Spice then:

Chloe = Posh Spice

Dolly = Scary Spice!

Ugly baby is judging you.

Ugly baby has judged you and you have been found wanting.

Chloe Channels Yoda

You gotta get me out of here

Please help me. I'm being imprisoned in a suburban kitchen!

This is for you, Helen

Chuuckin!

Dismall

Today I went to the Everett Mall to kill some time and see if I could find a lightweight jacket in a smaller size at Macy's.

I knew they had been doing some "updating" and remodeling on what used to be the scourge of malls here in the North end of Seattle. I was hopeful that it would become a good alternative to congested Alderwood.

The Everett Mall has most of the usual suspects: Orange Julius, Claire's, Cinnabon, Wet Seal, Spencer's Gifts, Bath & Body Works, a Piercing Pagoda, and a contingency of lower end throw-aways like Bosswear and Lady Bosswear (neither of which actually sell Boss), A+ Nails, and a bunch of off-brand cell phone shops and kiosks. A Macy's and a Sears anchor the mall at either end.

Even with the attempt at modernizing ("fresh/fun" logo and business hotel style design) it remains dismal and depressing. As Helen would say, they have "polished the turd". I'm afraid the regentrification isn't working.

I did find a cute jacket though...

Madeline

Madeline, hamming it up this morning.

Courtesy of Big Sally

This is on my desk at work...

I have flying monkeys and I'm not afraid to use them...

It's not summer until...

Spring may be when a young man's fancy turns to love, but for me it's not summer until Christey (a.k.a Sukiyaki) breaks out the Capri pants.

Balloon Lady! Fun!

I don't know whether it was the cheetah cat-eye glasses or lime green smock, but something about this woman screamed madness. Maybe it was the Dynel summer-weight wig. I don't know, but let's call her Kathy.

Kathy is a free spirit that loves to collect coupons. We know because we were in line behind her at Safeway. She also likes to select items that aren't covered by the coupons she's presented causing many delays and confusion with the checker. Kathy was on my last gay nerve.

Oh, Barbie - What Has Become of You?

This is the very reason I have a "WTF" tag here at mlo.

Helen and I were traveling East on 128th towards I5 and spotted this gem in the next lane. The Barbie head has been lashed to the grill of this Lexus RX300 with twist ties. By her expression she seems to be enjoying the ride.

I glanced into the Lexus to see what type of person would do a thing like this. Oddly it was an older woman who appeared as though she should have known better.

Outrageous

Almost $68 to fill up the Infiniti. This was in Everett - Over $4 a gallon.

Unbeweaveable: Bad TV Court Show Weaves

This marks the first in a series of posts on bad court show weaves. This is Bernadette. Her dying mother's wish was for her to get a new liner in her above-ground pool. She did but it had some wrinkles that brought her to The People's Court. She lost the case however since she refused to fill it up completely which would have apparently taken the wrinkles out.

As riveting as the case was, the reflections from this glossy waterfall of (synthetic?) hair were mesmerizing and seemed to cascade right down to her shiny face and revealing décolleté.

MENSA Member or TV Court Show Litigant?

Sunday Ride