the hurting today

i find myself hurting today
a heart punch-drunk
with gravel in the stomach
and eyes holding back

on the edge of over
or forever
or over forever
where will these emotions take me?

like a fucking sick pill
that i take over and over
despite the burning
neglecting myself for another
allowing myself
to be crushed

this ridiculous love
is that what it is
or is it from a loss of self
a hole aching to be filled
or simply
a hole aching to be filled

it's an ugly place
that i find myself in
prickly with discomfort
yet drawing me nearer
while being pushed away

what the fuck is wrong with me
to allow myself to be taken in
this way
if i don't care about me
how can i care
about anyone else